Carpe Diem (Harry/Ginny)

[slashluv18]

Carpe Diem
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Past Cedric/Harry, Harry/Ginny
Warnings: slash, canonical death
Summary: When Harry's boyfriend, Cedric Diggory, is killed at the end of his fourth year, Ginny helps pick up the pieces.
Notes: As a warning, I'm usually not a fan of Ginny, especially when she's paired with Harry. I like stories where Ginny and Harry become friends earlier in the series and then Harry falls n love with her. I just don't think JKR fleshed her character out enough, but I did my best with this story.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Dudley taunts.

Harry flinches, which causes Dudley to laugh. Dudley probably thinks he struck a nerve. He probably thinks I'm insulted that he accused me of being queer. If only.

Harry remembers Cedric's lips. He remembers how they felt when they pressed onto his. He remembers Cedric's long fingers stroking Harry's stomach. He felt so cherished, so loved. It was as if he was the most important person in the world to Cedric.

Before the third task, he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what was going to happen, but he knew it was going to be bad – very bad.

Harry had begged Cedric to have sex with him. He just knew he was going to be saying goodbye to his boyfriend and wanted the older boy to be his first. Cedric, the noble Hufflepuff, had refused – citing Harry's young age to be the reason.

Harry was forced to watch as his first love was killed and not able to stop it. Now all Harry has is his memories and the nightmares of Cedric's death.

Harry is withdrawn upon his return to Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione believe its Voldemort's return and almost expulsion. Harry wishes that's all it is. Everywhere he looks, he's reminded of Cedric.

One day he's out on the Quidditch Pitch. He's doing one of Cedric's favorite things – flying. He and Cedric loved flying together. They would hold hands as they flew side by side. His vision blurs from tears as he remembers Cedric kissing him for the first time in the air.

He lowers himself to the ground and sits on the grass, holding his Firebolt on his lap. He stares at it, but when he hears footsteps, he looks up. It's Ginny.

She looks hesitant, but determined. "How are you?"

"Okay," Harry saws cautiously. It wasn't that long ago that Ginny couldn't talk to him without blushing and stammering. It's nice to see that is no longer the case.

"Really?" she asks.

"Really. Just because The Daily Prophet is calling me an attention seeker liar, t doesn't mean I'm too bothered by it."

"I meant where Cedric is concerned."

Harry's eyes widen. They never told anyone about their relationship, choosing to keep it a secret. They even took girls to the Yule Ball. It was why he was such an awful date to the Patil twin. He couldn't take his eyes off of Cedric and Cho. Cho had looked at Cedric so adoringly. He wanted to be in her place so badly, but he knew he couldn't be.

"I saw you two kiss the night of the Yule Ball."

They were usually careful, but they hadn't been that night, both overcome with jealousy and desperation to be together.

"At first I was jealous. I always had such a massive crush on you, but I saw how happy you were. I couldn't be angry in the face of it. I wanted to approach you after his death, tell you I was there if you needed to talk, but I didn't think it would be very welcome."

"It wouldn't have been, but thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

Ginny opens her mouth, but shuts it quickly.

"What is it, Gin?"

"Well...you might not be ready yet, but just know that Cedric wouldn't want you to mourn his death forever. He would want you to let yourself fall in love again. When you're ready of course."

Harry nods. "Believe it or not, I'm not closing myself off to the possibility. I'm just not prepared, yet."

"Just making sure. Some people swear off love after they lose someone in a similar manner." She waves before turning and walking away.

Throughout the year, when Harry isn't teaching the D.A., avoiding Umbridge, or thinking about Cedric, he finds himself staring more and more at Ginny.

Whenever he's feeling particularly down, Ginny is always close by. He finds himself telling her about how he and Cedric got together. He tells her about how Cedric made him feel, about how he wanted Cedric to be his first.

Ginny is never judgmental, always listening.

When Cho begins to show interest in him, Harry is unsure of how to proceed.

"She only wants you because you were present when Cedric died," Ginny points out.

Harry knows Cho never got over her crush on Cedric, and she believes they would have gotten together if he never died.

He begins avoiding her as much as Umbridge, but she's persistent. Finally Ginny very loudly claims Harry is her boyfriend.

Cho glares, but backs off. She probably doesn't want to be known as a harpy that goes after other girls' boyfriends.

Harry is grateful that nothing changes between the two of them. They spend the same amount of time together. The only difference is that Ron now watches them closely, probably wanting to protect Ginny's virtue.

Towards the end of fifth year, Harry finds himself smiling more and more despite the oppression due to Umbridge. When Ginny begins dating Dean, he initially congratulates her before joking about how Cho might suddenly regain interest in him again. Although he keeps it to himself, Harry knows he's feeling jealous. He remembers the feeling when Cedric and Cho danced at the Yule Ball.

It doesn't matter, though. He has no right to be jealous. If more time had passed, he might be interested in Ginny, but he still doesn't feel quite ready.

When Sirius is dead all because Harry walked right into a trap, the first person he goes to is Ginny. It's sad, but she now knows him better than his best friends. She is the person he trusts more than anyone now.

Ginny is talking to Dean and when Harry apologizes for interrupting them and turns to walk away, Ginny quickly follows. "It's okay. Dean understands that something terrible has happened to you and that I want to be there for you," she explains.

Harry nods, but doesn't believe for a second that Dean is okay with his girlfriend ditching him so suddenly to talk to another guy. Harry is just grateful that he has someone to talk to about Cedric, and now Sirius.

During the summer, Ginny is the only one to write to him. Harry is hurt and angry that his supposed best friends can't be bothered. He finds himself looking forward to Ginny's letters, wondering what she'll have to say.

When she writes about her breakup with Dean, Harry's ashamed to admit it, but he does a small happy dance.

More and more often, Harry has been thinking of the right person to date if he can't be with Cedric. It needs to be a person who sees pass the boy-who-lived persona, a person who doesn't mind and won't feel threatened by the fact that he's bisexual, a person who is his friend first, and most importantly, a person he trusts. The only person who fits the criteria is Ginny. If Hermione knew about Cedric, she would have fit it, too, but he never trusted her with the truth. Besides, Harry is pretty sure Ron wants her.

Ginny is everything Harry needs and now that she's single, he's ready to ask her out.

He doesn't waste time. He seeks her out on the train and finds her in a compartment with Luna and another female Gryffindor that's in her year. "Gin, can we talk?"

Ginny smiles and follows Harry out of the compartment. "Harry, how are you?" she asks while hugging him.

Harry holds her tight. "A lot better now." He inhales and smells what must be apple-scented shampoo. "Can you believe that Dumbledore told Ron and Hermione to not write me?"

Ginny nods. "I'm surprised he didn't say anything to me, but maybe he didn't realize how close we got last year. He did have his hands full where Umbridge was concerned."

"He still had no right to demand a communication blackout. I had just lost my godfather. Didn't he think I might need my friends' support? I can't believe they agreed to it, too."

Ginny shrugs. "To them, Dumbledore can do no wrong."

"I guess."

"So, did you just want to see me to rant about the unfairness of it all?"

Harry blushes. He can't believe he got off track. "No. Actually that wasn't even on my to-do list. It just sort of happened. The reason I wanted to see you was I want to ask...I was wondering...would you like to go out with me?"

Ginny smiles beatifically. "Yes. On our first Hogsmeade trip, you'll be my date."

Harry breathes easier. That was a lot easier than he thought it would be. "I can't wait."

Harry's not sure of what the future holds for him. Cedric might be his past and Ginny might be his present. He doesn't know if Ginny will be his future as well.

A part of him will always love Cedric and he knows Ginny understands that, but it's time to move on with someone who is his equal. He knows Cedric would be happy that he's finally ready to see someone else. In fact, he'd probably approve of his choice to date Ginny. Wherever Cedric is, Harry hopes he's at peace.

It's time for Harry to find someone new to love, to live in the now and not worry about what the future might hold. It's time for Harry to find a small sliver of happiness. Carpe Diem.