Three's Not a Crowd, Part 2

[slashluv18]

Part 2

Castiel and Dean are already cleaned up when Sam comes back to the room. Dean seems actually kind of surprised to see Sam. It's out of the ordinary to see Sam during the day lately, at least when they're not crammed in the Impala.

"Hey Sammy," Dean says as he lounges on the bed.

Sam's smile is forced as he whispers, "Hi."

Dean knows that Sam believes he doesn't know when something is wrong. But Dean has been able to read Sam like a book ever since he was a kid. Dean could read Sam even when he was a moody teenager. That's how Dean knew that Sam was going to leave the family business. He didn't know how, but he knew Sam was going to make it happen. Nothing could stand in his little brother’s way when he wanted it bad enough.

Dean wishes Sam would talk about what's been bothering him for awhile. This attitude started pretty much when Dean and Castiel got together. At first Dean believed that maybe Sam was homophobic, but he quickly reminded himself that Sam was the one that helped the two of them get together. If Sammy had a problem with gays, he would have kept the two of them far away from each other.

Dean catches Sam looking at him sometimes. It's in a way Dean had once looked at Sam. The look is a mixture of curiosity, worry, and another emotion that he's afraid to name out loud, even if it's in his own head.

Dean wonders if maybe Sam has figured out Dean's dirty, little secret. Not that little, Dean reminds himself. It would be a very good reason for Sam's sudden distance.

Dean shakes his head. If Sam had really figured it out, his little brother would have confronted him on it. There is no doubt about that.

Dean finds himself standing up and walking over to Castiel who stands by the window, watching the brothers with curiosity shining in his eyes. He kisses his angel, one eye carefully on his brother. That’s why he sees the barely visible flinch.

That’s interesting, Dean muses as he pulls away from the soft lips.

Dean orders pizza for all of them and makes sure to include a salad in the order as well. Sam hasn’t been eating well lately and doesn’t want to give him any more reasons to skip a meal.

Sam doesn’t complain when Dean shoves the salad at him. He eats without an argument, making Dean want to breathe an audible sigh of relief. Of course he doesn’t though. He can’t be seen as caring too much after all.

Sam and Dean spend the night just relaxing, something they don’t do very often. Castiel decided to take off for the night. Dean knows that the angel believes the brothers need some time alone. Dean sees that Sam tries to look nonchalant, but there are still shadows in his eyes. He just wishes Sam would tell him what was wrong so he can fix it.

If Dean didn’t pay attention so closely, it would seem like everything is perfectly normal. He knows better though.

When he and Sam go to sleep, it almost feels like old times. Almost.

Reality comes crashing in when Dean wakes up and Sam is gone.

Sam has been doing a disappearing act quite a bit lately, but Dean knows this is different. For one thing, Sam is always there in the mornings when Dean wakes up. He doesn’t disappear until after breakfast. Secondly, when Dean looks to the floor in front of Sam’s bed, he sees that his little brother’s duffle bag is gone. Sam has packed up and left, and he’s not planning to come back.

Dean quickly throws the blankets off. Despite instinctively knowing the truth, he still looks for a sign of Sam. He spots the innocuous note sitting on the desk where Sam’s laptop had once been.

With shaking hands, he picks it up. Eyes travel over the words, drinking them in.

Dear Dean,

When you wake up, I know you’ll be worried. I know there is no point in saying this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Please don’t worry. I know that was a waste of ink, but it’s out in the open anyway.

I’m sure you figured out that I wasn’t taken by force. I know you know that something has been off for a while lately. I could never hide anything from you. You can’t be that surprised that I left by my own free will.

I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while, including weighing all of the pros and cons of it. I know that won’t make you feel any better, but it’s the truth.

I know you’re going to blame yourself. You are going to think you should have been doing something instead of living your life. You have an amazing guilt complex. Don’t take that as a compliment.

I need you to know right now that this isn’t your fault.

Dean, something is really wrong in my head. I don’t want to go into details, because I don’t want you to ever look at me differently, but I have feelings that are really sick and unnatural. I want to stop having these feelings. The only way I can do that is to leave.

Please, just let me go. I know with Castiel on your side, you could probably find me, but don’t. I need to be on my own for awhile. You respected my choice when I went to Stanford. I’m asking you to respect my choice once again.

I’ve made sure the GPS on my phone is off. I know that no matter how much I plead, you will do everything you can to find me, and I’m not going to make it easier for you.

When I’m ready, I will call you. I promise you that. Just give me some space.

I’m sorry I’m doing this to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better little brother.

                                                                                                              Sam

Dean drops the letter, watching as it flutters to the ground. He stares unblinkingly at it, letting the words process in his brain.

Sam is gone. He thinks something is wrong inside his head. He thinks he is a bad little brother.

Dean finally settles on one thought. Must find Sammy.

“Castiel,” he prays, knowing that’s all it takes these days.

The sound of wings envelops the room and Castiel is standing next to the bed. He is already unbuttoning his shirt, but Dean stops him. “Not that. Sam is gone.”

Castiel’s brow furrows. “What do you mean gone?”

Dean sighs and bends down to retrieve the letter. He passes it wordlessly over to Castiel.

Castiel puts it on the bed after silently reading.

“We are finding him,” Dean says firmly.

Castiel looks troubled. “He asked for you to let him go,” he points out.

Dean shrugs. “He also points out that he knows I’ll do everything I can to find him.”

Castiel looks at his hands. “Do you think he left because of me?”

Dean shakes his head in the negative. “He thinks there is something wrong in his head. That’s why he left. It has nothing to do with you,” Dean says, but even he’s not positive of what he’s saying.

Castiel obviously agrees. “He started making excuses to be anywhere but here when we started having sex.”

Dean looks into Castiel’s eyes. “Listen, we are going to find Sam and get to the bottom of this.”

Castiel nods. Dean knows Castiel will do everything he can to find Sam. Even so, he still looks unsure of going against Sam's plead.

Castiel leaves to start canvassing the area. Sam had a good head start, but Castiel is an angel. Like Sam said in his letter, with Castiel on his side, nothing will stand in Dean’s way.

Dean hates the idea of twiddling his thumbs, but he is useless right now when it comes to his wayward brother. To be on the safe side, Dean checks the GPS on Sam’s phone and it is off.

Dean tries to think about where Sam would go. At one time, Dean boasted about knowing Sam better than anyone. Times have changed though. Both Sam and Dean have been to hell, literally and figuratively. Sam’s soul has spent a whole year in the cage being two archangels’ plaything. Both have seen more horror than any one person should ever see.

And lately, Sam has been pulling away from Dean. At one time he would have called Bobby, but that ship has sailed.

He goes to the front desk at the motel. The manager’s daughter smiles flirtatiously at him; Dean smiles back, but it feels strained. “Hello, sweetheart. Do you remember the man I was with?”

She slowly blinks her eyes in a way that’s supposed to seduce. “The one in the trench coat?”

Dean shakes his head. “No, the tall one, like 6 feet 4. Long brown hair.”

“I don’t remember seeing him,” the daughter says.

Dean’s strained smile slips away completely. He turns away, ignoring the pouting lips. The only lips he’s been interested in kissing lately is Cas’s and he’s not about to do anything with her. Well, Cas's lips aren't the only ones, Dean amends silently, remembering Sam's naturally pouty lips, especially when he made a bitchface.

Something about what the girl says is niggling at the back of his mind. She doesn’t remember seeing him with Sam.

Dean thinks back to the past couple of months. He knows Sam has been disappearing a lot lately, but to think they might have been living relatively separate lives is unheard of. Dean knows though that whenever Sam could, he was away. Dean can’t remember the last time they were together in public if it wasn’t for a case.

At one time, Dean would have been confronting Sam on his bitchy attitude. Sam needed him, but Dean had been too busy with Cas to be there. And now Sam is gone.

Dean knows he’s let Sam down a lot in the past, but he’s always tried to do the right thing by him. He remembers when he let his brother go away to Stanford. He hated the thought of Sammy being so far away, but he wanted the boy to be happy, and Dean thought it was for the best in the long run.

Dean’s thoughts about Stanford being for the best had a lot to do with it. It being the secret. Dean remembers when his dirty little secret began.

He was twenty and Sam was sixteen. His brother was finally beginning to grow into his long legs and arms; it didn’t look quite as awkward at least.

They were in a motel at another small, no name town, and John was out researching for a hunt a couple towns over.

Sam had just come out of the shower with a too small towel wrapped around his waist. Dean, who was cleaning a gun, looked up and felt his mouth literally go dry.

He had never felt so much want for one person.

Dean's eyes had watched drops of water slide down Sam’s still young chest. He saw Sam’s nipples perk from the AC. He watched as the water dripped down Sam’s abs before reaching the tower clad waist.

Dean had yearned to see what was underneath that towel. He had been grateful Sam was too busy sulking to see Dean’s fascination, but that was when lusting after his little brother became Dean’s norm.

Dean had thought with Sam being in California, not only would Sam be safer, but Dean could get over his inappropriate feelings. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Wrong.

Dean discovered when he went to Sam’s apartment to ask for help, and saw Sam wrapped around a pretty blonde girl, like he belonged there, and Dean felt nothing but angry jealousy; the lust had not gone away.

After Jess’s death and Sam came on the road with him permanently, Dean had thrown himself at nameless girls and even some guys at bars or diners. The guys even had similar characteristics to Sam. They were tall or had brown eyes or long brown hair, etc. The guys always had something in common with Sam. The anonymous fucks did nothing to erase Dean’s want.

Dean had to swallow down his jealousy the few times Sam hooked up. Sam definitely wasn’t into it as much as Dean, and he usually had to care about the girl somewhat, but it did happen. Dean had to bite his tongue as his own urging of Sam to give Sarah a chance pushed Sam into kissing her. Then there was Madison. Dean was ashamed, but he felt just a little bit gleeful when she turned out to be the werewolf. He wasn't happy about her having to be killed, especially not when Sam was determined to be the one to do it, but he was happy she was no longer around to take Sam away. Dean still felt Sam's heartbreak, though, and did everything he could to support him. Ruby had been something a whole lot different, something Dean didn’t even want to think about.

Dean didn’t try to get close to any of his tricks. Lisa had been the only one he got somewhat close to, but when Sammy turned out to be alive; even she and Ben hadn’t been enough for Dean to stay. Dean remembered what she said when he had been under the influence of the VERITAS spell. ‘You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen.’ Lisa hadn’t been that far off the mark.

Dean had realized long before Lisa that it wasn’t simple lust he felt for Sam. That could have been easily ignored. He loved Sam, loved Sam more than he had ever loved anyone else. Dean felt like his abnormal feelings for Sam damaged something inside of him. He felt like he wasn’t capable of loving anyone else.

That’s why he had been so happy when he met Castiel. When he stared into the angel’s eyes, he felt something stirring, the something that Dean had only ever associated with Sam in the past.

That day when Castiel popped into his room, and Dean was only in a towel, Dean wasn’t sure what was going on. Castiel had opened his mouth and said “Sam” before his eyes took in the situation.

Dean had waited, raising his eyebrows even as his heart pounded. Then suddenly, Castiel was on him, kissing him with so much passion and need. Dean had returned the kiss in equal fervor. He had worked Castiel out of his trench coat before ripping his shirt off, uncaring of the buttons. Dean’s lips had licked down Castiel’s neck, suckling on the pulse point despite there being no pulse. He felt Castiel’s hardness and without thinking about the consequences, had gotten down on his knees.

Dean had quickly taken Castiel’s large cock out, thinking Way to go, Jimmy before taking it into his mouth. He had taken Castiel to the root, wanting to taste him so badly. Castiel’s hips had bucked, and he briefly remembered that Castiel was a virgin. No sooner had he remembered that did Castiel cum in his mouth.

Despite what some people might say, Dean is not a complete asshole. He and Castiel didn’t go any further right then and there. Dean didn’t want it to be rushed the first time Castiel had sex; he wanted Cas to be able to enjoy it and bask in the sensations.

They did lie down together though. And when Sam got back, he seemed so nonchalant about it, Dean’s a bit ashamed to admit it, but he was kind of hurt that Sam wasn’t jealous.

Sam just seemed so okay with it. Maybe that was part of the reason behind Dean’s sudden ignorance of Sam’s obvious unhappiness. Well, there was that, and the fact that Dean wasn’t as broken as he feared. So he might be a little in love with his little brother, but he could still fall in love with another person… er… angel. And he didn’t want to do anything that would cause Cas to leave him.

Dean comes out of the memories of his and Sam’s past. He knows he should have been there for Sam, and he wasn’t. Now Sam’s gone, and who knows where he is?

He does know that Castiel is going to find Sam, and when he does, Sam and Dean are going to have a long talk. Whatever problems Sam has, they are going to be worked out.

Sam thinks something is wrong in his head. Well, Dean will just have to get rid of that idea.

After asking a couple of other people near the motel about whether they saw someone matching Sam’s description, Dean admits defeat and goes back to wait in the room.

He knows Castiel will come as soon as he knows where Sam is.

***

Sam is driving around in a stolen car. He feels terrible about stealing it, but it’s old anyway. It sounds like it hasn’t even been taken good care of with the noise the engine is making. Unlike Dean, Sam still has some sense of morality when it comes to grand theft auto.

He knows he’ll need to ditch the car soon, though. He just wants to get out of Oregon first. He doesn't know where to go. He considers calling Jody, but doesn't. Dean might get it in his head to call her as their living friends are very limited.

Sam debates whether he should keep hunting. He’s not fond of continuing on alone, but he knows he can do it. Sam might not be as strong as Dean, but he is definitely a capable hunter.

He’s just afraid that it will tip Dean off to his whereabouts. Although they always keep a low profile, there is a possibility of being recognized.

After some more thinking, he decides he’s not going to look for hunts. If Sam happens to be in a city where there are strange occurrences, he’ll take care of it. He won’t go out of his way though.

Sam wants to stop and get some sleep, but pushes off his fatigue to put more distance between him and his brother. Just like he said in his letter, he knows Castiel will be searching for him. Even with the anti-angel sigils, Castiel will eventually be able to locate him. It’s better to put as much distance between him and Oregon as he can.

As he’s driving on a highway with very few cars, he lets his mind wander. He remembers the first time he looked at his brother in a way that wasn’t brotherly.

Sam was fifteen and Dean nineteen. Dean was already sexually active, Sam knew. Living with Dean in such close quarters, Sam was far from naïve. Sam might have never done anything himself, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know how it worked. Although for awhile, he thought Dean was strictly a ladies’ man. When he found out the truth, it unlocked his less than normal feelings.

Sam had never seen any kind of homosexual act until one day when he was fifteen. He was supposed to be out all day at the library to work on a big project with his partner. When his partner canceled at the last minute, Sam had worked by himself for awhile, but decided to call it a day early. He wasn’t going to do all of the work. After all, he wouldn’t be at that school long enough to benefit.

Sam had walked into the small house they were staying at this time around. He went to the room that he shared with Dean and got an eyeful of Dean fucking some dude.

Sam had been too shocked to leave. He doesn’t remember making any noise, but he must have with how fast Dean moved away from the man.

Sam does remember the man whining for Dean to continue, not caring that there was a very impressionable fifteen year old standing in the doorway. He also remembers noticing Dean’s muscles. He remembers the red nipples and wanting to bite and lick them.

Sam was spurred into action and ran out of the house after shaking himself out of his fantasy of what Dean’s lips might taste like.

Dean had found him pretty quickly and begged Sam to not tell Dad. Sam promised. Dean had asked if he was okay with it, and Sam realized that Dean wasn’t aware of the fact that he liked guys as well as girls. He knew it was the right time to tell Dean the truth, but Sam didn’t. Something still kept him from being honest. He did promise Dean that he was not homophobic, but would prefer to not catch his brother in the act again. Dean promised it wouldn’t happen.

What Sam didn’t tell Dean was that the image was burned into his brain for eternity. Except the other guy wasn’t there. In place of the guy he never learned the name of, the guy he doubted Dean had known the name of, Dean was fucking Sam. Dean was marking Sam, making Sam feel so good.

It was the ultimate jerk off fantasy for Sam and it never went away. Sam hoped his unnatural desire would fade when he went to Stanford. Sam even felt optimistic when he met and fell in love with Jess. The optimism died in the fire along with Jess and his normal life. As soon as he was on the road with Dean again, the desire came back tenfold.

More than once, he thought Dean might know the truth. He would catch Dean looking at him oddly, but there were never any confrontations where Sam was called a disgusting freak. He figured it was all in his mind.

When Sam met Castiel, he found someone he could love. Of course, what would an angel of the Lord want with the ‘boy with the demon blood?’ Castiel would be tainted if they ever did anything. Even with the self-incrimination, Sam was glad. Although Castiel could never sully himself with Sam, it was a lot more okay to be lusting over and fall in love with someone so unattainable than it was to be lusting over and be in love with your older brother. Castiel was out of reach, but more okay.

Sam is brought out of his memories when he sees a car up ahead swerving. Sam sees that the car is heading towards him and jerks his wheel in the other direction.

Just as Sam thinks he’s going to miss the car, the driver turns the wheel straight at him and barrels into the car he’s driving. He bangs his head on the steering wheel as the car flips over. He’s still conscious, but barely.

Suddenly the car stops and Sam thinks, it’s over. I’m going to live. It’s just then that he realizes he’s upside down.

He manages to get the door open and slide out of the car. He crawls away, wanting to get as far away from the car as possible. He sees the other car flipped over and wonders if the driver is okay.

He tries to find his cell, but can’t. Suddenly there’s an explosion. The car that hit him is on fire. If the driver had survived before, he’s dead now. As if the explosion triggered something, the car that Sam had been in explodes as well.

Sam wishes for Dean more than anything. He wants Dean to take charge. He looks to the road and hopes that someone saw and had called 911.

When he tries to stand up, he realizes he can’t. He tries to move his left leg, but can’t. Sam fights down the panic. It might just be a broken leg. Sam knows though that it’s more than that. If his leg was simply broken, he’d be in excruciating pain.

There is nothing. There is no pain, no numbness. He can’t even move his toes. Sam is scared. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Hey!”

Sam quickly turns his head and sees a girl running towards him. He sees her car parked on the shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Sam gives her a look. "No, something's wrong with my leg. I need a doctor."

The girl nods. “I called 911. Can I do anything for you?”

Sam almost asks for her cell. He wants to call Dean, but there is a reason why he left. Just because he’s injured, it doesn’t mean he wants to go back. Then again, Castiel can probably heal him. Still, he’s not ready to face them. Sam shakes his head no.

Suddenly he sees a familiar demonic black smoke and he knows this wasn’t just an accident. It isn’t the first time a car he’s driving was hit by a demon. He still remembers what happened last time.

Sam is already dragging himself away as the demonic smoke enters the girl. He knows if this demon attacks, he has no way of defending himself. He doesn’t have the demon knife on him or even any holy water. He can’t run and he’s completely defenseless. Not a good combination.

He prays for a quick death at the very least. A blow comes from behind and his world goes dark.

***

Sam wakes up and looks around. He can’t see much except that it’s dark. He tries to move his left leg and finds that there’s still no feeling. He feels the panic rising up again, but swallows it down. He has bigger things to worry about. For example, he was kidnapped by a demon.

Sam knows there’s nothing he can do but wait. He has no weapons and he can’t walk. What he wants to know is why the demon didn’t just kill him. For what reason could they possibly want him alive? Whatever the reason is, he knows it’s not good.

Sam tries to regulate his breathing and for the first time wishes he didn’t leave Dean and Castiel. He should have just sucked it up and dealt with it. He should have been a man. If Dean was in his position, he wouldn’t have run away like a coward.

There’s a screech and then footsteps. He tries to crane his neck, wanting to know who took him.

It’s Meg, and Sam isn’t as surprised as he should be. Dean and he might have had a tentative truce with Meg during the whole Leviathan thing, but she is still a demon. The question is… just what did she expect to achieve?

“Well, well, well, welcome Moose.”

Sam stays silent.

“No snarky remarks? Or is that just your brother’s deal?”

Again Sam remains silent.

“Make yourself comfortable. You’re going to be here for awhile.”

Finally, Sam can’t remain quiet any longer. “What do you want with me?”

Meg waves her hand in a gesture of indifference. “A simple ritual, no big deal.”

Sam’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t rise to the bait. He knows that rituals are never simple. More likely than not, it will end in Sam’s death. The question is what is Meg trying to make happen? Is Meg trying to bring back someone? Is Meg trying to tether someone?

Sam is not worried about his impending death. He’s worried about what his death will cause to happen. He hopes Dean and Castiel find him before it’s too late.

***

Dean is pacing the floor, wondering what is taking Castiel so long. The man is an angel. It should be a cakewalk to find one human man.

A sound of wings brings Dean to attention. “Well?”

Castiel looks troubled, and for a man that very rarely shows emotion, it proves to Dean how serious the situation is.

“You haven’t found him yet, have you?”

Castiel imperceptibly shakes his head. “There is a lead, but it’s not a good lead.”

“What do you mean?”

“On the highway leaving the town, there was a car accident. Spectators saw a car being run off the road by another car. Both cars exploded.”

“I can see why it’s not a good lead.”

Castiel smiles faintly. “It gets worse. A girl had seen a driver with brown, floppy hair crawl out.”

“Thank God,” Dean breathes.

Castiel continues as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “She ran to him, told him that she called 911. She said it seemed as if he couldn’t move one of his legs. Suddenly, a fog comes over her mind. She sees everything that’s happening, but has no control of her body, as if she was locked away in her mind.”

“A demon,” Dean says, fear gripping his heart.

Castiel nods. “She sees another female knock the man unconscious and carries him away. She suddenly has control of her body again and she sees black smoke following the unconscious man and female.”

Dean nods. “At least we know he’s alive.”

“For how long though?” Castiel questions.

Dean glares. “Cas, I love you, but right now I need you to be positive. I can’t think of the alternative.”

Cas nods.

“We know where to start. Cas, take us to where the accident happened.”

Castiel grips Dean’s shoulders as he closes his eyes. When he opens them, he’s standing next to a highway. There are police milling about and Dean fights the urge to punch someone.

He sees an officer looking at him and Cas curiously. He goes to the woman, knowing Castiel will follow. “Hello, the person who was taken from the scene… has there been any more information about him?”

The officer crosses her arms.”Do you know him?”

Dean nods. He hates the law as a general principle, but he’s desperate. “He’s my little brother and the only family I have left.”

She seems to soften. “I’m sorry, sir. I know how worried you must be. We don’t have any new information yet, though. If you give me your number, I’ll let you know if I find anything new.”

Dean nods. Demons have Sam and he doubts the police will be any help. Even so, it doesn’t hurt, just in case. Dean writes his number before walking away from the officer.

He turns to Castiel. “Any ideas how to find the demons?”

“I can search for them. There’s probably some angel proofing, but Sam has run away. The demons probably knew that and might have gotten sloppy with protection if they thought we wouldn’t realize he was taken. If they got too cocky, it will help us to locate them.”

“Go then. As soon as you know something, come and get me.”

Castiel leaves with a sound of wings. Dean realizes he’s at the side of a highway with no transportation. He decides to look around. Maybe there’s a clue to where Sam is, a clue the police overlooked because it didn’t seem important.

***

Sam does his best to stay awake, but he ends up fading in and out of consciousness. He’s not sure how long he’s kept in the dank room. There are no windows or a clock. He has no idea if it’s been hours or days. The way Sam thinks, the longer he’s kept alone, the better. After all, it buys time for Castiel to find him.

Of course, that’s when Meg makes her reappearance. She’s so smug. Sam can’t believe he and Dean ever had a truce with the demon. At least they knew not to wholeheartedly trust her.

She kneels down, and Sam does his best to back away even though there’s a pole right behind him. “Moose, Moose, Moose,” Meg says in a chiding tone, a tone that Sam despises.

“What?” he can’t help but ask.

“It’s almost time.” Meg smiles and it sends a shiver down Sam’s back.

It’s almost time means Sam is running out of time. Castiel, please hurry.

Part 3