Three's Not a Crowd, Part 3

[slashluv18]

Part 3

Castiel searches. He knows if he finds Sam dead, Dean will never forgive himself. Castiel doesn’t quite understand the letter. He assumes it has to do with the intricacies of humans that he just doesn’t quite comprehend, yet.

Castiel thinks about the puzzle that is Sam Winchester. He is a mass of contradictions. Demon blood is running through his veins, but Sam always tries to do the right thing. He knows he is allowed to be weak around his brother, allowed to lean on his brother, but at the same time, he’s extremely strong and brave, doing everything he can to stand on his own two feet. He’s so different from Dean and not just in the physical aspect. Even so, Castiel find himself drawn to Sam in a very similar way to how he is drawn to Dean.

Castiel may not know a lot about how humans work, but he knows that it’s not right to care for two brothers in the same way. Even though he feels incomplete by just being with Dean, and not with Sam as well, Castiel knows it will have to suffice.

It’s time that Castiel admits it to himself though. He doesn’t just fear for Sam’s life because of Dean. He fears for Sam’s life for himself.

Suddenly Castiel sees something in his mind, as if it’s being projected there, and he thinks he knows where Sam is and who has him.

***

Sam is dragged with unnatural strength. Then again, Sam is dealing with demons. He knows he should be putting up at least a little bit of a fight, but he feels so weak. He knows that was Meg’s plan from the beginning—weaken Sam so much that he is unable to fight—and it worked.

With heavy lidded eyes, he sees something drawn on the ground. Around the odd symbol, a symbol Sam has never seen before, there are candles and some type of plant.

Sam puts up a token resistance, but it’s no good. The demons work together. His legs are spread wide. He can’t tell what they’re tied to; all he knows is that he can’t move them. He can see his arms restrained above his head to the grey pole.

His position makes him think of Jesus Christ on a cross, but it’s not exactly the same.

“Do you know what you are going to be doing for me?” Meg asks, a taunt in her voice.

Sam shakes his head. He wants to know what he’s unintentionally causing.

“You will be unleashing Lucifer.” She laughs.

Sam’s body grows cold. I thought Lucifer was trapped in the cage forever.

“I know you thought he’d never get out,” she continues and Sam wonders if he spoke his thought out loud. “I didn’t believe there was any other way, either. Until I began researching, at least.”

Sam wants to tell her to ‘shut up.’ He doesn’t want to hear her gloat. He stops himself though, realizing it buys much needed time. Inwardly, Sam thinks it’s useless. He doubts Dean and Castiel even realize he was kidnapped. And if they did, there isn’t a big chance that he’ll be found.

Sam knows his shirt’s being ripped off as Meg continues to talk. “Anyway, there is a way to call Lucifer and it’s a way he would despise. To call Lucifer, there needs to be a sacrifice of his true vessel. When Lucifer is able to come forth, you, my dear Moose, are dead. That’s not even the best part.” Her smile is wide. “Lucifer will be trapped in your body and all of his power will be in my control due to a tether that will be created at the ritual’s completion. You along with Lucifer, my dear Moose, will just be my puppet. With all of his power, Crowley will be out and I will rule Hell. There will be no one to stand in my way.”

Sam swallows. He knew that when Meg mentioned a ritual, it wouldn’t be good, but this is way worse than what he was expecting. Even so, Sam isn’t surprised. Meg is all about self-interest. The only time she does anything is when it benefits herself in some way. Even when she was helping them with Castiel, it still benefited her because she needed protection from Crowley.

If she succeeds though, the Apocalypse might not be restarted because Lucifer would be trapped within Sam’s body, but Meg being in charge of Hell is probably worse than Crowley. The male demon seemed to at least fear the Winchesters; if not respect them. Meg didn’t seem inclined either way. Dean wouldn’t stand a chance. The first thing on Meg’s to-do list would be to destroy Dean.

Sam doesn’t want to even consider what the world will become if Meg takes over Hell.

Suddenly, Sam feels a piercing pain in his stomach. He tries to see what’s going on, even though he should just close his eyes, grit his teeth, and bear it. Still, Sam cranes his neck.

Meg is laughing as she shows him the knife. Sam sees his own blood on it and feels dizzy. It has never been easy to gross Sam out. If one is a hunter, they can’t have trouble with blood or other bodily fluids. Knowing what his blood is being used for though, puts everything in a whole new perspective.

She continues to carve into his stomach. What she’s carving exactly, Sam doesn’t know.

Sam turns his head away and sees the demon rearranging some of the items around him. A demon in a male body sees him looking and smirks. He comes over with a knife out and Sam closes his eyes. He feels the knife slice his neck. It’s not deep enough to be fatal though.

Sam opens his eyes, trying to avoid thinking about the sticky liquid that is dripping from his neck. The demon smears Sam’s blood on the symbol that Sam is in the center of.

Sam knows what’s happening. When he dies, it’s going to be from blood loss. He wants to disappear into his mind. He tries to think happy thoughts. He remembers Bones; he loved that dog. He remembers meeting Jess and being so blissfully ignorant of what Dean was going through.

He feels another stab, causing Sam to flinch.

Sam remembers how Dean used to read him stories every night. He remembers that no matter what Dean was doing, Sam was always invited. No matter how much time Dean spent with him, he never made Sam feel like a burden.

He remembers seeing Dean after he came back from Hell for the first time. Despite all of the secrets he had, Dean was alive. He had the most important person in his life back at his side.

Another stab and this time it’s through the arm. Obviously they don’t want Sam dying too soon. His vision begins to blur. He closes his eyes. Part of Sam thinks it would be nice to just let darkness claim him, but he knows he has to fight it. He needs to keep a lookout for a chance to escape, no matter how small the chance actually is.

Meg is now standing over him, smiling with that maniacal look most demons have in their eyes. She cuts her arm and Sam thinks she’s going to make him drink her blood. Of course that doesn’t make any sense. The last thing she wants is for him to gain any strength.

She doesn’t do anything with her bloody arm right away. She seems to be waiting for something. Sam turns his head, watching as the demons continue to smear his blood on the symbol. Wonder if she’s waiting for them to be done before continuing. His thoughts are fuzzy, but he’s still coherent enough to be thinking of an escape route.

The demons step back from their handiwork. Her smirk scares Sam, but he’s too weak to fight the impending doom. She nods at a demon before kneeling down. Some unknown demon comes and rips Sam up so he’s no longer laying down. Sam was still tied down though and feels his shoulders being ripped from their sockets. Sam screams, his eyes watering.

His throat is raw before he stops the screaming. It seems Meg wants Sam to watch. She places her bloody arm on the symbol carved into Sam’s stomach, she begins to chant. As the chant is going on, Sam feels and sees his blood boiling. He won’t be dying from blood loss like he originally expected.

His eyes droop despite the searing pain. He sees his blood on his stomach, bubbling around Meg’s arm. He wants it all to go away. Please, help me, he thinks wearily, but there really is no hope behind it.

All of the sudden, there is a large amount of noises and light. Sam tries to focus, but he can’t. At least my blood stopped boiling. It’s his last thought before he stops fighting the darkness.

***

There’s a sound of wings and Dean turns around. He’s still at the side of the highway. The police have long gone and asked if he had needed a ride somewhere. Dean had turned them away, wanting to wait for Castiel.

Dean looks hopeful at Castiel’s appearance, but the hope quickly dies when he sees the angel’s haunted expression on a face that almost never shows emotion.

Dean is afraid to ask, but he has to. “Is he...” Dean swallows. “Is he dead?”

Without answering, Castiel grabs Dean’s shoulder, taking off angel travel. When he knows they have stopped, Dean cautiously opens his eyes, afraid of what he’ll find. They’re in the motel room, and Dean’s eyes immediately go to Sam’s bed.

He nearly collapses at the sight. Sam, to put it plainly, is a mess of blood and gashes. His arms are hanging at a weird angle as if his shoulders have both been pulled out of their sockets. He looks at Castiel who looks just as frightened. Dean has to ask again. “Is he dead?”

“Not yet, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t become a reality.”

Dean waves an impatient hand. “Heal him then. What are you waiting for?”

Castiel nods, but he seems to hesitate. “I’m going to do everything I can…”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “I hear a ‘but’ in there. What is it?”

“There may be some long term side effects. I’m not sure what they were attempting, but there is no way of knowing how his body is going to react.”

Dean can see Castiel is afraid of accidentally causing Sam’s death because he tried to heal him and needs to put his lover at ease. The angel is Sam’s only hope. “The way I see it, he’s going to die if left like this. There is no way he’s going to heal naturally from his injuries. At least with you trying to fix him, Sam has a chance. So do it. Please Castiel. At least if it doesn’t work out the way I want, I’ll know everything possible was tried.”

Castiel nods and slowly approaches Sam.

He places his hands on Sam’s body and seems to focus. Dean sees Sam’s injuries disappear before his eyes. Even his arms are no longer at an odd angle.

When Castiel steps back, Dean watches Sam closely. He frowns when his little brother doesn’t wake up, doesn’t even move. “Cas?”

Castiel sighs. “I told you there may be long term side effects.”

“I thought you could bring people out of comas. You’re a fucking angel!”

Castiel’s eyes meets Dean’s. “If the coma was induced because of the injuries, he should be out of it.”

“Then why isn’t he?” Dean demands.

“Probably because he doesn’t want to be. Dean, we may not know exactly what happened, but we know he was tortured. His injuries are testament to that fact. I may not understand the human psyche all that well, but maybe his mind is keeping him comatose purposely due to fear.”

“We’ve been through a lot worse and this never happened,” Dean says defensively.

“You were always there,” Castiel points out gently. “Essentially, he was alone through this whole ordeal. He probably has no idea we were looking for him. Most likely he thinks we never found out about him being captured. Maybe he’s afraid to wake up because he fears he’ll still be alone, and he doesn’t want to face that fact.”

Dean turns away, really wanting a beer, but he knew that wouldn’t help Sam. He isn’t good with emotional junk. “What do we do then?” he asks, turning back to his angelic lover. “How do we bring him back? How can we show him he’s not alone?”

Castiel hesitates.

Dean, growing impatient, makes a gesture. “Out with it.”

“I can go into his mind and talk to him. If he sees he’s not alone, he should wake up. It’s risky though. If his mind isn’t at ease, it could be difficult to find him. I could become trapped or get lost. I might even damage his mind if I’m not careful enough.”

“Well, you’ll just have to be careful, won’t you? Your idea is the only idea we have.”

Castiel nods. “I was afraid you would say that.”

***

Castiel mentally prepares himself. He has no idea what kind of rough terrain he might face inside Sam’s mind.

Concentrating, he sees a door and mentally opens it before stepping inside. He hears it close and opens his eyes once again. He looks and sees the grey door behind him. I just hope I can find it once again.

Castiel then turns back to search what’s in front of him and it’s nothing like what Castiel expects. It’s grey and mountainous. There’s nothing happy about Sam’s mind, but considering what he was subjected to, Castiel excuses the underlying depression.

When Castiel squints, he sees door upon door. He hopes his thoughts are wrong, but he has a feeling they’re not. He has the idea that Sam’s essence is behind one of these doors. To get Sam to wake up, he bets he needs to bring Sam out of the door, and to the door he entered the mind from.

Castiel wonders if there are any clues about what door it would be. Castiel shakes his head. That would be too easy. He surprises himself with that thought. I think Dean’s cynicism has rubbed off on me.

Castiel shrugs his shoulders – an action he knows is very human. He knows it’s another thing that he’s gotten from the Winchester brothers. He goes to a door he sees on the left. When he opens it, he sees a small child being picked up by larger kids. Then he sees an older child coming to the small child’s defense and scaring the bullies away. It must be one of Sam’s childhood memories. Dean really has always been there for Sam, even at that young age. Castiel closes the door.

He goes to another door on the left and opens it. The scene is of child Dean making dinner for child Sam. He closes it, deciding not to linger.

He goes to another door and opens it. It’s of Dean giving Sam a cupcake. “Blow out the candles, Sammy.” Sam does so. “Happy 9^th birthday.”

Sam smiles, but Castiel can tell it’s forced. “Where’s dad?”

“I told you, Sammy. He’s on a hunt.”

Sam nods, but even Castiel can see the sadness in them.

Castiel closes the door, feeling sad for the Winchester brothers’ lost childhood.

He has a feeling that the early doors are going to all have to do with Sam’s childhood. He goes past a few doors.

Stopping randomly, when he feels he’s walked far enough, he opens another door. He sees a ghost throw a young Sam against a gravestone. Then he sees an angry Dean hit the ghost with something made of iron, while another figure salts and burns the corpse. This must be when Sam and Dean are kids, after Sam has started to hunt. He sees the figure who is obviously Dean and Sam’s father. He ignores an injured Sam to clap Dean on his shoulder. “You did a good job, son.”

Dean happily smiles up at his father before going to help Sam up.

Castiel wonders if John Winchester made a habit of ignoring Sam like that, if Dean always had to pick up the slack. It would definitely explain Sam’s bitterness where his father was concerned. Castiel can’t really blame him if that memory is similar to what always happened.

He closes the door, grateful that Dean was there for Sam when their own father wasn’t.

Castiel goes down a little further before choosing a door to open. This time he sees an older Sam, probably about sixteen. He’s alone and Castiel is a bit disappointed to not see a Dean of twenty. He wonders how the man would have looked.

His attention is drawn back to Sam, who is palming a visible erection through his jeans. Castiel swallows. He knows he should close the door right now. He doesn’t, though. He watches as Sam arches his back slightly as he squeezes. Castiel watches the hand as it goes to the buttons on Sam’s jeans. He sees Sam pop the jeans open and push them down so his young, teenage dick pops out, half hard already.

Castiel’s mouth goes dry at the sight of Sam touching himself so intimately. He should leave now. This is a big invasion of privacy, but Castiel can’t make himself move. He feels himself harden, but he doesn’t dare move to touch himself.

He hears Sam’s pants and soft moans, as he rubs the precum over his cock’s head, making himself all nice and slippery. He sees Sam’s hands get faster and faster, until finally Sam arches his back, shoots his load, and screams, “Dean!”

Castiel comes back to himself, quickly closing the door. He knows what he saw and heard. Sam was pleasuring himself while thinking of his older brother.

Castiel knows he should not have that information, but he does. He just doesn’t know what to do with it.

Castiel goes to other doors. He sees Sam contemplating going to Stanford, believing the distance would help him get past his abnormal feelings for Dean. He sees Sam meeting Jess and the girl’s untimely death. He sees as Sam’s dormant feelings for Dean awaken as he silently craves his brother’s touch.

He sees Sam’s heartache when Dean pushes him away after their father’s death. He also sees Sam’s anger at their father for doing this to Dean.

He sees Sam’s anger and pain after Dean’s death, knowing he couldn’t save the person that he loved most in the world. He sees how Sam falls prey to the demon, Ruby, and Castiel begins to understand just how vulnerable Sam truly was. Castiel remembers how harsh he was to Sam during that time and feels guilty, another human emotion that Castiel despises.

He sees Sam’s wonderment when he meets Castiel for the first time and the hurt when Castiel basically ignores him. Castiel pushes the guilt away once again.

He sees Sam watch Castiel with a strange look in his eyes. That strange look is always there in the memories that feature Castiel. Eventually, Castiel sees something else that definitely wasn’t meant for his eyes. It is very similar to the scene of Sam pleasuring himself with thoughts of Dean.

This time it’s Castiel’s name he shouts out. Castiel’s eyes are wide with the new piece of information that Sam is lusting after him. He never would have thought it without the proof right there in front of him. He feels happiness, knowing how Sam feels about him. He closes the door, wondering what to do now that he knows. There’s time for that later. Right now he needs to focus on finding Sam.

Castiel chooses a door a little further down. When he opens it, the memory is of Sam talking to himself. Castiel isn’t interested in some inane conversation Sam had with himself, and he’s about to close the door when something Sam said catches his attention.

“Neither Dean nor Castiel would ever want me. I’m Dean’s brother. That’s incest and wrong on so many levels. Castiel is an angel; I’m the ‘boy with demon blood’ running through his veins. We don’t fit. The only reason Castiel even tolerates my presence is for Dean.” Castiel doesn’t like that Sam thinks that. He’ll have to address that issue to Sam at a later date, when all of this is behind them. He tunes back into Sam’s monologue with himself. “…and Castiel love each other. Even if they can’t love me, at least I know they’d be happy together. Could I deal with seeing them together, knowing I’d never be a part of it, always on the outside, though?” Sam’s expression is troubled. “I think I can, and all I really want is for them to be happy together, even if I’m excluded.” Sam seems to come to a resolution. “I’ll do it. I’ll get them together if it’s the last thing I do.”

Castiel closes the door quietly. Is that why Sam ran away? Was seeing us together too much for him? Castiel knows that if his feelings for the both of them had been really strong, Sam must have been in immense pain for weeks before he decided to leave. Castiel remembers how Sam withdrew from the two of them, remembers how he barely slept. Castiel remembers how Dean had to practically force feed Sam. Castiel feels guilty, knowing that he contributed to Sam’s pain. It is too late to go back, though. The only thing they could do is move forward. And to do that, Castiel has to find Sam. He’ll figure what to do about his knowledge later.

Castiel sees other memories of Sam’s feelings of loneliness as he watched Castiel and Dean, making the angel realize that they really did seem to exclude Sam quite a bit.

He finds the memories of Sam’s torture. Although he wants to stay and see what the plans had been, he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to see how Sam became so bloodied. He doesn’t think he can stomach it.

Castiel knows he should be getting closer to Sam, but there are no more doors. He walks forwards, hoping something will happen. Suddenly, the atmosphere surrounding Castiel changes. It becomes stormy and Castiel knows he’s getting closer to Sam. The weather is supposed to keep the angel at bay, like a defense mechanism. If Castiel is anything though, it’s persistent. It comes in handy right now, too.

He keeps walking as the wind harshly blows. Up ahead, a door appears. Castiel approaches it, hoping to see Sam Winchester behind it and not another defense.

He opens it cautiously. When he sees Sam inside, laying on a bed with his back to Castiel, he first thinks it’s another memory. But then Sam turns to face him. “Castiel?”

Now he knows it’s not a memory. In all of the other memories, Sam’s never acknowledged him.

“Hey Sam.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to bring you home,” he says cautiously, not sure how Sam will react.

“I don’t want to go,” Sam pouts.

Castiel almost smiles, but doesn’t. Sam has been through a lot and he’s afraid how he might lash out. “Why not?”

“I’m all alone there.”

“You’re alone here, too,” Castiel can’t help but point out. He instantly regrets it, though. The first thing he should have done is to tell Sam that he wasn’t alone.

Sam sits up and snaps his fingers. Suddenly there’s Dean Winchester, but Castiel knows it’s not the real Dean Winchester. “I can create anyone I want. I’ll never be alone here.”

“It’s all an illusion, though,” Castiel says, keeping his voice gentle.

Sam smiles sadly. “Sometimes illusions are better than the real things.”

“How so?”

Sam bites his lips, looking uncertain and unbearably cute. Sam then stands up and kisses the illusion Dean right on the lips, a kiss that is happily returned. Sam pulls away first.

“See, illusions can be better than the reality.”

Castiel’s mouth had gone dry during the kiss. Instead of being disgusted, he is weirdly turned on by the sight of them together. If only this Dean Winchester was real.

He approaches Sam. “Do you know how much heartache you’re causing Dean right now?” Sam shakes his head and Castiel wants to shake Sam’s body, hoping to shake some sense into him. “When Dean first discovered you were missing, the only thing that kept him from falling apart was his mission to find you. And then when he first saw you, after I saved you, Dean thought you were dead. That’s how broken you looked. And now to stay trapped in your own mind because you’re scared, how selfish can you be?”

Sam is crying. “You don’t get it, do you? I know this is all an illusion, but I like this illusion. It doesn’t hurt. I watched the two of you for months. I just can’t take it anymore. I thought I’d be okay watching the two men I love, love each other. I guess I’m not a big enough person to be able to handle it.”

Castiel softens. He knows how much pain Sam is feeling and he feels guilty that he didn’t realize it before he saw the memories. He hugs Sam. “You can’t do this to Dean. He’ll never forgive himself.”

“It hurts so much. I know neither of you could ever love me. I’m a despicable, selfish—”

“Stop right there,” Castiel interrupts that self-hatred tirade. “One thing I want to address is something I saw in one of your memories when I was searching for you. I don’t tolerate you simply for Dean. Maybe I didn’t do a good job of showing you, but I care for you because of you. Maybe at the beginning I was drawn more to Dean as Heaven sent me to guard him, but even if Dean was out of the picture, I’d still care for you. You’re more than just the ‘boy with the demon blood.’ You’re brave and intelligent. You’re persistent and honorable. All of those are qualities you should be proud of.”

“Did you see all of my memories?”

“Many of them,” Castiel admits.

“Then you must know not only my sick feelings for Dean, even if I hadn’t kissed the fake Dean, but my sick feelings for you.”

Castiel nods. “Am I running away, though?”

“Why aren’t you?” Sam asks, his voice vulnerable.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.” Sam’s eyes widen and Castiel leans down, kissing Sam.

Castiel closes his eyes and feels Sam resist at first, before the younger Winchester gives in. Sam’s mouth opens up underneath his. Castiel knows this is an illusion, but wonders if this is how Sam truly kisses. If the answer is yes, then Sam is truly a gifted kisser.

His tongue explores Sam’s mouth as the young body presses against him. He feels the hard cock and wants to touch and taste. It’s a yearning Castiel has been fighting off for a long time. He pushes Sam onto the bed and his lips move to Sam’s neck.

His arms are scratched by Sam’s blunt nails as his body arches. Suddenly he is forcefully thrown across the room.

Castiel blinks, confused about what happened. One second he’s devouring a very tempting mouth and neck, the next second he’s being ejected.

He sees Sam still on the bed, hugging his knees. “I’m sorry,” he whimpers.

Castiel stands up and cautiously approaches him, not wanting to make any sudden movements that would scare him. “What for?”

“I kissed you,” Sam says as if it’s obvious.

“I kissed you,” Castiel explains. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“What about Dean? Even if this whole thing is one big illusion, it’s still a betrayal. I won’t hurt Dean that way.”

Castiel knows Sam is right, but he has a strong inkling that Dean wouldn’t mind all that much. In fact, Castiel has a strong suspicion, that Dean would find the two of them together a major turn on.

Castiel always turned a blind eye when Dean looked at his brother in a lustful way. In fact, he thought it was a good thing. It stopped Castiel from feeling guilty about his thoughts of impropriety.

He can’t tell Sam that. Not yet, not until he talks to Dean. First he needs to get Sam to come back with him, to wake up. “Sam, I promise you. You’ll never be alone. Please come back with me. Wake up.”

Sam doesn’t answer.

Castiel plays the card he knows will work. “Do you want Dean to blame himself forever? You know he will. You know the size of his guilt complex.”

Sam meets Castiel’s eyes. “Tell him it’s not his fault.”

“If you really think that will work, you don’t know Dean as well as I thought. And there’s no guarantee he wouldn’t try to make a deal with a demon to bring you back.”

“He wouldn’t do that again.”

“Are you 100% positive of that? I’m not.”

“He has you now, though.” Sam is trying to rationalize, wanting so desperately to stay cocooned.

“Last time he had Bobby. That didn’t stop him.”

Sam hugs himself, but doesn’t answer.

Castiel needs to figure out a way to get through to Sam. “Sam, Dean loves you. No one would ever be able to take your place. If you never came back, it would be like him losing the other half of his soul. Remember, you guys shared heaven.”

“He has you; he doesn’t need me anymore.”

Castiel wants to yell in frustration, but keeps his facial expression even. “I could never take your place. Dean loves you in a way that he doesn’t love anyone else.”

“Not in the way I want him to.”

Castiel turns away. He’s debating whether he should tell Sam about his suspicions. He really wants to talk to Dean first so he doesn’t get Sam’s hope up, only to crush it once again. He may not have any choice, though. That hope might be the only thing to get Sam to leave the safety of his mind.

Just when Castiel has decided to come forth with the coveted information, a storm kicks up in the room as it begins to shake. It reminds Castiel of an earthquake. “What’s going on!?”

Sam looks scared. “I think my body is being shaken. Did you kill all of the demons?”

“Meg got away. She used the other demons as a distraction,” Castiel admits.

“Is it her then?”

“No way, I made sure the room was protected, especially when I know Dean is going to be distracted.” It’s as if he suddenly understands what’s going on. “It’s Dean.”

“Why would he be doing this?”

“I’ve been gone for awhile. Knowing Dean, he has lost patience, and is doing everything he can to get you back.”

Sam is holding on to his bed. “You need to go. Tell Dean I’m happy here.”

Castiel loses his temper. He stomps over to Sam and shakes him as the room shakes. “Can’t you see what you being here is doing to Dean? He needs you. You’re the person that keeps him grounded. Without you, I’m afraid what would happen.”

Sam pushes Castiel’s hands away. “I keep him grounded. He’s the one that has always kept me grounded. Why do you think I went crazy when he died? My anchor was gone. But—”

Castiel cuts Sam’s refusal with another kiss, but keeps it chaste. “You can understand what it’s like to be without an anchor. Don’t do that to him. There is a lot of stuff you don’t know about.”

“Like what?” Sam asks.

“I want to talk to Dean first. Just come back with me.” The room stops shaking, as if Dean has given up. “I promise you, it will be better this time.”

Sam stares into Castiel’s eyes, as if trying to see into his heart. He must see something because he pulls away. At first, Castiel thinks Sam is going to once again say ‘no,’ but he goes to the door. “You coming, Cas?”

Castiel smiles, relieved. Sam is coming home. He just hopes he has not read Dean wrong. If what Castiel expects is true, then the three of them could get everything they ever wanted. Castiel prays to his Father that he sure is no longer up there. Father, just give us this. After everything you have put us through, we deserve this one small happiness. Please Father.

***

Dean is pacing. He really had hoped that the shaking and screaming would have helped. He remembers hearing one time that a comatose patient can hear when they’re spoken to.

Dean's not sure if screaming and shaking really counts, but he was at a loss about what to do. His eyes are fastened to Sam's immobile body. He doesn't see when Castiel comes out of whatever he was doing. He does hear the angel moving, letting Dean know he's back. He does see Sam's eyes fluttering open. Dean is so happy to see his little brother's hazel eyes staring back at him.

Dean helps Sam to sit up. Sam looks down at himself, probably assessing for injuries that are no longer there.

When Sam looks back up, Dean lays into him. "You have a lot to explain, mister! What were you thinking, running off like a coward?!"

"Dean—" Castiel tries to intercept, but Dean plows on with his tirade.

"I don't care what it is, but if you have a problem, you talk. You've always been the one to talk things to death, and suddenly you're incapable of opening your mouth when something's bothering you?! Unbelievable!"

"Dean—" Castiel tries once again to intervene, but Dean keeps going on.

"Maybe if you hadn't run away like a child, you would have never been kidnapped, and who-knows-what would have never been done to you. You have only yourself to blame for being abducted."

"Dean!" Castiel yells.

Dean is forced to stop to take deep, wrenching breaths, so Castiel's admonishment penetrates the haze of anger surrounding him. That's when he sees Sam's tears.

Dean doesn't want to let go of his anger. It's easier to deal with then the worry and feeling of betrayal. He's always been powerless in the face of Sammy's tears, though. Dean crumbles just like he always did in the past, too.

He sits on the bed, collapsing as if all his energy has suddenly drained out of him. "Sammy, please don't cry. I'm just so hurt that you decided leaving was better than talking about whatever was bothering you.Can you tell me why? You sometimes kept things from me, but those were always things you thought would upset me. Even then, you didn't leave. What could you have possibly done that is worse than demon blood?" Dean sees Sam glance at Castiel and that angers him. What does Castiel know that Dean doesn't? "Sam!" Sam flinches at Dean's bark and guilt washes over him. Gentler, he repeats, "Sam."

"You really want to know what’s worse than demon blood?"

Dean nods, but suddenly isn't so sure he wants to know. There's no going back now, though. Dean can see the stubborn set of Sam's chin. Even if Dean changes his mind, he's going to find out no matter what.

"I'm not only in love with my older brother's boyfriend, but I'm also in love with my older brother!" Sam gets off of the bed and Dean is so surprised by Sam's confession, that he doesn't stop him. Thankfully, Castiel isn't thrown, something he's going to revisit in his mind later on, and grips the struggling body to keep him in the room.

Dean shakes his head just as Castiel loses his patience and puts his fingers to Sam's forehead, sending the youngest member in the group to sleep. Castiel gently lays Sam on the bed he vacated before turning to face Dean.

Dean is still too shocked to speak after the confession.

Castiel rolls his eyes and Dean has become so used to the humanized Castiel that it doesn't even faze him any longer. "Don't you dare act like you're repulsed! I know very well that you are anything but disgusted by the idea."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, not daring to hope. Castiel doesn't sound upset with the idea of his lover wanting his brother in a very impure way. He sees Castiel look at the slumbering figure; he sees Castiel's eyes soften. He has to wonder about Castiel's feelings for Sam. The way Castiel is looking at Sam, it reminds Dean of the way he's looked at by the angel. Dean doesn't feel jealous of the knowledge that Castiel's feelings might be divided. He'd be a hypocrite if he was. What he does feel is hope, hope that the three of them might be able to be happy together.

Castiel is now looking at him. "Sam hid inside his head because it was easier to be in there, then having to watch us be together and not being included. He felt lonely out here. It was too painful for him to watch us together, so he ran, feeling as if his feelings would never be returned."

Dean goes to the bed and softly touches Sam's cheek. He feels Castiel behind him and lets the sinewy arms wrap around him.

Castiel's lips touch Dean's ear. "Sam was wrong, wasn't he?"

Dean shivers at Castiel's breathy whisper. "Yes, I want Sam so badly; it's so hard sometimes to keep my distance."

Castiel kisses Dean's neck. "Lucky you. You don't have to anymore. Not only does Sam want you just as badly, but I want the both of you. I want to feel both of your hands touch me, bring me to release. How does that sound?"

"Too good to be true," Dean admits.

"It is true, though. In Sam's head, he was able to create illusions. He created a fake Dean and I witnessed a very hot kiss. The only thing that would have made it hotter was if it had been you and not an illusion."

Dean’s eyes are fastened to the bed. He suddenly can't wait for Sam to wake up.

***

Sam's eyes flutter open. The first thing he sees is a head resting on his chest. He knows whose head that is. "Dean?"

"Hey, Sammy."

Sam feels dread in the pit of his stomach. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a freak."

Dean chuckles, finally lifting his head to meet Sam's eyes. "You're not the only freak."

Sam is afraid of the hope that is blossoming in his chest. "You mean –"

Dean's lips seal over Sam's. They're soft and hard all at the same time. Dean's tongue is relentless until Sam opens his mouth and yields to the ruthless appendage. Sam groans as Dean's fingers play with his hair.

Sam bucks and Dean continues to hold him down. Sam feels himself hardening and pulls Dean closer. Sam's hands go down to Dean's back, to hold his brother as close as possible. He wants to touch Dean's firm ass, but can't, due to their current position. It's just not possible, unfortunately.

Dean's lips move to Sam's neck and he moans at the feather-soft kisses. Sam's eyes are open, but only very slightly. Even though Sam is barely aware of his surroundings, he still sees Castiel calmly watching the scene unfold.

In a panic, he pushes Dean away, totally forgetting Castiel and him shared a very similar scene in his head. "Castiel? Dean? Is this some kind of sick joke? Something to just spice up your sex life? Dean, how could you do that to me?"

"Stop it," Dean commands firmly. "How dare you accuse me of being so uncaring of your feelings. You know me better than that."

"Then why?"

Dean shakes his head, as if he can't believe the stupidity that is Sam. "Because I love you in the same immoral and dirty way that you love me."

"Love is never immoral or dirty," Castiel says.

"It is when it's incest," Sam refutes.

"No it isn't," Castiel calmly answers.

“Sammy,” Dean says. “Look at me.” Sam does and sees something in Dean’s eyes, something he’s only ever dreamed of. “I’ve wanted you for so long. It doesn’t matter what people would say about us if they knew we were brothers. All that matters is what we feel and whether it’s real. And I think the answer is yes, it is real and the feeling is not going away.”

Sam initiates a kiss and loses himself in the feeling of Dean’s lips. It’s better than Sam ever imagined it would be, better than the imitation in his mind. He remembers something. He forces himself to pull back, knowing he might lose his chance to have Dean with his next question. “What about Castiel?”

Dean looks at the angel who up until then had been quiet. His smile is soft when he turns back to Sam. “I heard about the moment you two shared in your mind.”

Sam blushes, ready to hear words of anger from Dean. He’s surprised when Dean leans down and whispers, “It turned me on.”

“Really?” Sam squeaks. Yes, squeaks.

“Really. The only thing I don’t like was that I hadn’t been able to watch.”

When Dean leans down and kisses Sam, he returns it. He arches up and feels Dean’s arousal. Sam moans when Dean’s lips trail down to his neck and latches on. Eyes hooded, Sam looks over at Castiel, who seems to be very interested in the proceedings, if the tent in Castiel’s pants are any indication. He reaches out to the angel, beckoning him closer. He feels Dean’s grin against his neck and knows his brother approves of the idea.

When Castiel reaches the bed, Sam sits up, letting his neck fall from Dean’s lips. He ignores Dean’s groan of frustration and puts his own hands on Castiel’s pants, looking up questionably.

Castiel nods minutely and Sam quickly unbuttons the pants, taking out his engorged cock. Sam unconsciously licks his lips at how big Castiel is. He presses his lips against the head, letting his tongue play lightly before swallowing him as far as he can. He can’t take Castiel to the root, but he does take him pretty far.

When he hears Castiel’s moan of appreciation as hands find their way to his hair, he smiles around the cock. He uses his hands to grip what his mouth doesn’t cover. He bobs his head and stiffens when light hands go under his shirt to rub his back. He relaxes when he realizes the touch is familiar.

Castiel plays with his hair while Dean works on taking Sam’s pants off. He feels them be lowered along with his boxers. He feels embarrassed about being so bare before the two of them, but loses it when Dean’s lips start kissing his butt cheeks. Each cheek is licked and kissed while Dean’s fingers probe his entrance lightly.

Sam jumps at the cold feeling, not sure when Dean had time to get lube. Castiel continues to thrust in his mouth as Dean thrusts his fingers repeatedly. Sam feels as if he’s the meat in the sandwich, and he loves the feeling.

When Dean presses in from behind, Sam pushes back, taking his mouth off Castiel’s straining erection. He hisses at the pain, but continues to slowly press back. Dean’s hands grip Sam’s hair, pulling on it so Sam’s head tilts back. Their lips meet in a passionate kiss, teeth biting until lips bleed.

When Dean is fully inside, Castiel’s fingers graze down Sam’s chest, tweaking nipples. Sam’s cock leaps where it is, fat and flush as it dangles between his legs. Sam leans down to take Castiel in his mouth once again. As he licks Castiel like a lollipop, Sam’s hips rock backward onto Dean’s hard cock. He’s so close. He knows it.

He’s lost in the taste that is pure Castiel. Or really, it’s pure Jimmy, but Sam doesn’t want to think about that. He loves the weight of it in his mouth. Castiel’s thighs are shaking under Sam’s hands, fingers carding through Sam’s hair. Sam’s name is falling from both Castiel and Dean’s lips.

His prostrate is struck, repeatedly, by Dean’s rigid cock. “You feel so good, Sammy,” Dean says, voice cracking, and Sam moans around Castiel’s cock, sending vibrations. Castiel begins to fuck Sam’s face ruthlessly.

Sam relaxes his throat as much as possible and simply takes what the angel dishes out. He moans again as he feels everything build up, letting the feeling of being fucked in two holes wash over him.

“You’re so good,” Castiel murmurs as Sam gazes up at him. Castiel lets out a quiet cry and comes, pulsing thick and hot into Sam’s mouth, fingers tightening and releasing in Sam’s hair.

Sam opens his mouth and Castiel takes his cock, slapping it against his tongue before rubbing it against Sam’s left cheek.

He is distracted from Castiel’s porn star-like moves when Dean, who continues to thrust, takes one hand from Sam’s most likely bruised hips, and encloses Sam’s cock. He bucks into the hand. All it takes is a couple of strokes, a hard rub against his prostrate, and Castiel’s fingers trailing down to his nipples once again, and Sam’s coming so hard he whites out, can feel it all the way down to his toes.

Sam slumps forward as Dean continues to relentlessly plunge into him. Hands grip his neck from behind as he’s pushed forward on the bed. He feels the come as it spurts inside of him, making him feel sticky and gross, but a good sticky and gross.

Dean slumps next to him, firmly holding Sam around the waist. Sam looks up at Castiel, who's standing up next to the bed limp cock hanging out of his pants. Dean seems to notice as well because he forces Castiel to lie next to them. Sam falls asleep, sandwiched between the two of them.

Part 4